Whats up?

Yesterday we went and visited my oncologist. My Hospice doctor/nurse team decided due to new symptoms it would be nice to get some new scans to see whats going on. Luckily my oncologist agreed and we now have scans set for friday!!! Finally a peek into whats going on. More tumors? Less? or are we stable?? Im happy to be able to get a glimpse. Granted now Im antsy to get this over with.

Today Ive spent most of the day in bed. My joints are stiff which causes it hard to walk. I also have a headache thats just been nagging at me all day. (yes Ive taken meds). So in bed I lay. Only thing that helps is sleep. My eyes are blurry, so its harder and harder to read. Words just seem to slide together into a long black line. Sometimes they even wiggle! Gotta love what a brain can do.

I did manage to get some housework done yesterday. (I actually enjoy housework) I went to grab a shirt…and promptly realized my new banana republic shirt had shrunk. Round of applause……I had a dry clean only shirt that I didn't know about. That lovely shirt (worn once) now can fit an oddly shaped 7 yr old. On a brighter note I finally found some sunscreen that doesn't smell like sunscreen! its from Targets in house brand "up&up" and its just a little bottle labeled moisturizing cream with spf. I was/am highly impressed.

We won't know the results of my scans until next week. As soon as I get any info I will let everyone know.

Been a while….

I didn't realize that I've neglected my blogging duties. Ive still been not feeling great and mainly staying in bed. I haven't even been doing as much housework as I normally so. Ill admit Im pretty anal about how I keep my house. Lately Ive just loosened the reigns and just let it go. That said, I did have a good weekend.

Saturday morning we had a 'Mad Housewives Tea' 9 of my friends and family (women only) got together and had tea. It was on my wish list to have a fun frilly tea party. We had tea sandwiches, pretty teat pots, and tea cult, and even social tea. Its safe to say we all had a blast. We all love the men in our lives but this was a chance for us to have a couple hours to ourselves and be kid free for a bit. I wish I had taken a picture of the table, but here was the menu

Blueberry scones
vanilla scones
fruit skewers
cucumber sandwich
chicken salad sandwich
turkey and cheese sandwich
and then an assortment of deserts.

For teas we had a huge selection as well. My new favorite is "chocolate scone". It is as rich as a mocha, with none of the milk, sugar, or calories.

The tea party wiped me out. I got home around 2, and was woken up at 8. My husband said he thought I needed to sleep so just let me sleep. Thats how it is these days. After either an outing or event I go home and crash. So while its good when I get get out, the results are me sleeping for a looong time. Sometimes I feel like sleeping beauty. I feel like Im starting to sleep more than stay awake.

My eyes have gotten worse. I really struggle to see. Everything is blurry, and I frequently loose sight entirely out of my right eye. It makes it hard to blog or write. Ive also started been unsteady on my feet. My legs are getting weaker again. We just weaned off the steroids so my strength should go back up.

Ive been dealing with more and more splitting headaches latterly. All I do is put my cool mask on, and lay down with my eyes closed. Its the only way to make the pain go away. Food is back to being just ehh. Im rarely hungry anymore. So all that steroid weight is coming back off. Ill admit I gained 20lbs when they added the steroids. Im down a bit but working on dropping more.

So the good news is we got approval to get full body scans done!!!! They normally don't do this when a patient is on hospice. So Im special. We have some new symptoms that don't exactly mix. They want to find out whats going on in my tummy. They think it may be a tumor, I had one in my tummy before but the yervoy made it disappear. They are afraid that has come back, All I want to know is whats going on in three!!!! has my brain gotten better'? worse? whats the timeline look now??? So thats whats going on with me. I see the doctor and nurse tomorrow. We are going to set up scan dates and times at that time. They also want to run another urine test. To double check the last one?? I dont know… So until tomorrow…

Im gonna take another nap.

Its the little things...

Ill make this quick…My new favorite Accessory…..You know those sleeping eye masks? I got one of those that has gel inside. You put it in the fridge and it gets cold, then wear it. It is one of the things that helps zap my headaches quickly!! Makes me wonder what else I don't know about. I can't believe I just found this mask.

I love this thing!!!! 

Sick

Ive been sick for the past week. As in pretty much bedridden sick. I called my hospice on call nurse friday night for relief. The nurse called in a script for me to see if it would help. They were treating me for a possible infection. While it helped a bit it has not helped entirely. We have an appointment with the nurse tomorrow for some testing and some more med possibilities.

I know Im always talking about meds. What we do is change the dosage, or replace one med for another etc. After a year on these meds Ive built up a tolerance so we are having to try new things to ensure pain management. This past week Ive felt like my insides are going to burst, and Ive had issues breathing deeply. We can speculate UTI, Bladder infection, etc, (which is what they are treating me for now) or at the end of the day we always suspect new tumors. We won't know for sure as they don't do any of the testing once on hospice.

On the antibiotics Ive started to feel better. Ive been up and moving around yesterday and today. Out of bed is progress!! I still have no appetite, as when I eat I start to feel bad again. So thats whats up with me. Ive got some phone calls to return and some people to catch up with (sorry Granny!) as Ive slept the past week almost straight. That is the good news, Im sleeping again! Bad part of that is I take a morning and afternoon nap, and go to bed early. :)

Feeling a bit Blonde

The American Cancer Society has programs to help women feel normal. and beautiful during and after cancer treatment. They had come up to me before just to chat, and see if i would be interested in a wig. My curiosity finally took hold, and me and my sister in law went down to see why they were about.

We played dress up with the wigs and found one I didn't expect to like. Its a nice short sleek hot  looking bob. In blonde. Alsmost a white blondish color. Molly and I (sister in laws) were sur surprised but loved it. The beauty of it? Its entirely free!!! Its a pretty neat program. They also work with breast cancer patients, and chemo patients with makeup and other needs. I can't believe i didn't hear about all of this sooner. They will sit with you as long as you need, and then its a small, small, tiny even, form to fill out with doc name, type of cancer etc. Only requirement is to have cancer and about to loose or already lost == it.

So its been a fun day. That and my best friend had her baby today (just now so I don't have measurements) As for right now? Im sitting in bed, trying to not fall asleep while I write this. I had read a study that raw honey helped scarring, dark spots etc on your skin. You soak it on a pad then using bandaids or tape tape the small gauze pads to the effected area. In the morning take them off. After a couple of week it will help heal you effected area, and lighten any dark spots, So Im testing it

Dreaming….

Ever have one of those dreams that so real it shakes you to the core? Like not going back to sleep, mad/angry, or very sad, or just plain upset. I just woke from such a dream. In the dream we were grocery shopping. I had my husband pushing the cart with Elliot riding in the front kid basket. WE stop to grab something and next thing I know someone had stolen our cart and our Elliot! For me terror ensues. I keep telling people that thats my baby, and no one believes me. Elliot just has a blank stare. and my dear husband claims we never had a baby.

Im happy to be rid of it. I woke up and went directly to little mans room. I was just going to watch, but he silently looked up, stood up and held his arms out…. how could I resist baby cuddles!? So there I stood rocking my baby in the dark, silently crying. That dream really shook me up. I know, its just a dream.

As for my health every days a battle. Ive been waking up with headaches. So much so that, we are once again swapping meds around trying to fin the best solution.

I don't have big planvs for the weekendJust the usual spending time with family. Which I enjoy. I can never say enough how blessed I am to have a family I like.

Work it.

I actually followed through and worked out yesterday!! (with the help of my hubby) We have a bow flex in the garage. As of yesterday I had yet to use it. Well, that changed last night! I did arm work on the bow flex, and will work on legs tonight. The goal is to build strength and/or keep what I have. The longer I keep my strength up the better. So Im fighting with every ounce to keep my strength up. I can't tell you how miserable it is not being able to walk, or even get up out of a chair by yourself. Im a bit sore this morning though. I can tell I did something. :) This makes me happy.

Im so sick of the snow. Its pretty yeah, but I have stuff I want to do. Stuff that doesn't involve snow. I know I just need to be patient, and we will get everything I wanna do done. Its just hard to be truly and honestly patient. I guess you could say I struggle with that. I need to work on it.

Maybe if we do get some good snow Ill attempt a snowman…… we haven't tried that yet.

Burrr…..

I think the snow is absolutely beautiful. It snowed big fat snowflakes all day today. I woke up not feeling well, so spent most of the day watching it snow from in bed.

We did finally get Elliot out into the snow today. 3 layers of pants, 2 shirts, a hod die and a coat later he was finally dressed. All I could picture was the kid from the christmas story in a bunny outfit. lol. He wasn't sure of the snow at first. He couldn't walk, it was cold, an every bright. Finally he warmed up and had fun in the snow. We didn't last too long due to the cold, but Im hoping we got some cute pictures.

Thats it for the da

Quick Update

I haven't been feeling well the past few days. Eric, Elliot and I are all fighting something. I don't believe its the flu. Luckily so far no fevers, just aches, cold symptoms etc. We stayed in Saturday except for a quick dinner with my parents. Tomorrow the plan is to hang out around the house and get some rest.

Other than that we have been doing good. My date night with the hubbby went well. We are going to make it a point that at least once a month we will take seem time to spend with each other. aka Date day/night. With everything goin ton we tend to forget to take that little bit of time to each other.

So thats where we are. Im treating and trying to re coup. Right now in this instant my head hurts, and Im exhausted.