Easter!

After a rough few days Im still laid up on the couch. Eric and the baby went to see his parents, while allowing me to stay home and rest. Even with someone else watching Elliot, if hes fussy my mommy senses go into overdrive and I cant sleep. So with the boys gone, Eric hoped Id be able to rest guilt free. It worked! I was able to get some much needed rest. I feel selfish for not being able to join the family activities, and just wanting to rest, but it was nice. Totally a rare situation to sleep without that constant ear out for elliot. I still dont feel great, but better than this morning. For dinner I may actually get real food! Lost another pound as of noon today, and Im looking forward to some real food. My fall last night left a small bruise. (Fell while giving elliot a bath, no one injured but my knee).

Elliot has an easte basket, but no pictures yet. With the boys leaving this morning I havent had a chance to get any pics yet. Little man didnt get too much this year (not that easter is about a bunny). He did get a few new sippy cups, and puffs baby food in different varieties. (he loves all of them) E cut another tooth this morning. that makes 8 I think!

Thats all for my update today. Feeling better, and tomorrow should be better. Glad it seems that we got all of this under control for now. Hope everyone had a happy easter!

Sick...and no fun

The past 48 hours have been miserable. It all started unexpectedly. I woke up on the couch with Eric asking me if Id be more comfy going to bed. (rather than sleep on the couch) I sat up and next think he knows hes getting can over on my way to puke. Thats when it all began....I lost 5 lbs in a little over 24 hours. I had hot flashes, and chills. I was officially camped out on the bathroom floor, in a TINY front bathroom at the creek house. (not much room to sit on the floor)

Thats when I realized..a cancer patient should never go anywhere without her serious meds. I was an hour away from home and had left my nausea/ anti vomit meds at home. Bless my husbands heart, he packed everything up at 10 pm, loaded a sleeping baby, and pukey wife into the car and took us home. I couldnt make it the entire drive without getting sick a few different times. I was officially miserable.

Once home, I got my medication and it all slowed down. Granted by then there wasnt anything left in my system to get sick on. Ive been sleeping the past 24 hours. I feel weak, tired, and sore. I expect to sped easter on the couch or in bed. I attempted to help Eric give Elliot his bath last night, and managed to fall into the tub with little man. (so much for feeling shakey and weak).

No idea if this is was/is a bug, a cancer thing, or a side effect of the yervoy. All of these are possible. The yervoy side effects are still happening from my last dose, and wont be tapering off until mid april. It could also be that my system is so shot I just picked up a bug. We just dont know anything for sure. All I do know? No one else is sick. Just me.

Elliot is 10 months old!

Today Elliot is 10 months old! Let me start off by saying effective this month his monthly photo session is a challenge. Try getting a mobile little boy to sit still....good luck with that. All photo ops must be gotten on the move! Add into the mix a Golden Retriever thats scared of camera, and suddenly decides the baby needs protecting and good luck! (He decided to 'dog' up and stand between the camera and baby, usually the dog just runs from the camera)

So in the past month:
- baby is crawling!
- no food left behind- he loves EVERYTHING!
- Starting to think about walking. Pulling up and attempting to take a step
- more vocal! MA MA/ DADA and other random words. Associating mom/dad with people.
- will actually attempt to move your hand out of the way so he can get whatever he wants
- fav toy- TV remote
- LOVES the golden retriever...laughs like crazy when hes around.
- only cuddles when hes poo-ing, or the vacuum is out. He hates the vacuums.
- Has figured out that he can put his hands outside the stroller and try to grab stuff on the move. Like clothes etc.... he thinks its funny.
- got his first freckle. (we are having it double checked at the pediatrician next week to make sure its not a mole, or melanoma etc)

Overall hes a healthy, ornery little boy. Soon he will be walking. Now, for a few pictures...

Bye Bye Pepper

Well its official, Pepper is gone. I couldnt do it. It wasnt really a wise idea in the first place. I mean come on, surgery in the next few weeks? Add that to house training a dog? TERRIBLE idea!!! It seemed from the beginning this dog knew just how to push my buttons. Ive never had a dog quite this dumb, and Ive trained 3 dogs from puppyhood!

Some of this dogs antics are as follows: This morning she tried to play with our golden while he was peeing, and ran right under him promptly getting showered with pee. This resulted in a bath. Small puppy= soaked. EWW. Add this to the constant crate peeing and rolling in it? and I was done. This dog couldnt hold her pee for even an hour. I was constantly cleaning up pee, and bathing a dog that smelled of her own waste. I loathed it.

So I found her a nice home. A young couple that had been looking for a dog like her. They were thrilled. Now I know....next time everyone tells me its a terrible idea I should just believe them.

On an added note? Our golden retriever is amazing. Best dog ever....and he came PRE-trained! I know Im spoiled.

Insurance fun

Got a fun phone call the other day. Apparently, I raised enough red flags with our insurance company for them to assign me a personal 'RN case worker'. She is assigned to me to help in any way possible (not with claims or stuff like that) but rather with ways to keep me out of the hospital etc, and work with my medical team. Sad, but I can only assume that her job is to keep the insurance company from having to pay more money than necessary.

I find this surprising since in the last calendar year, 2012, I not only had a baby, had brain surgery, ICU stay, and Radiation treatment!!! Seems like last year should have also maxed out whatever $$ plan causes you to get a 'personal case worker'. lol.

Not exactly sure why I would call this lady, if ever. Seems like if I needed a nurse etc, I would be calling my oncologist nurse. (whom I have her on call cell number, so I dont have to deal with the on call doctor). All of this just makes a girl wonder.....whats it take to rate on their "special scale"?

Other than that Im doing okay. My back is still tender, but the pain is much better. Took a lot of rest, and some heavy pain killers to get to feeling better. Still battling a few side effects of the Yervoy. It should be getting better in the next few weeks.

Praying for Patience

So I had put off mentioning that my awesome hubby bought me a puppy a week ago. Yes, I have a new puppy. Despite everything in my being that said "this is a terrible idea", Im a sucker for puppies. Keep in mind my dog died right before christmas.....so for once in 7+ years I was dog-less. He got me exactly what I wanted. A king charles cavalier spaniel. (tiny lap yapper dog) Bred to cuddle and be sweet. EXACTLY what I wanted. right???? ---fast forward to today--- I HATE THIS DAMN DOG! (please excuse my language) Now Ive trained puppies before. 3 in fact. I crate train to house break. But Ive never had a dog this dumb. She has no problem rolling in her own mess. Take her outside to potty, then 20 minutes later she will pee all over herself. Seriously???

I know I know, shes a puppy...she needs time and patience. She hasnt messed in my house, just in her kennel. When out of her kennel to play shes a tiny tornado of clumsy. She falls over her own paws. She will fall over while peeing right into her own mess. She even RAN under another dog when it was peeing! (which required a bath for her) UGH....this dog is going to take all of my patience I dont have.

To add to the mess... We adopted a rescue dog as well. An older golden retriever. He is awesome. Free to us (unless you count getting his shots up to date) And comes pre-trained! He is housebroken, and knows all the basics. (sit, stay, roll over, shake etc) Talk about the dog lottery. Poor guy had spent weeks wandering the woods. He was underweight, and tick infested. Since then we have been fattening him up, and got him tick free. He is pretty cool. Not to mention AWESOME with elliot. He seems to be used to kids. My nieces were over the other day (3 girls) and he was fine. Just tried to lay down and chill. He will also let elliot crawl under him, and pull up to stand on him etc.

I guess I should mention names- the Golden is 'Sergeant' and the King charles is 'Pepper'. Together they make 'Sergeant Pepper and the lonely hearts club'. Yes, all the Schmit dogs are named after Beatles songs. :) So there is my rant. Dealing with a STUPID puppy. Now to pray for more Patience. This seems to be the running theme for me. Patience for scan results, patience with dogs....Maybe I should take the hint.

Gloomy Weekend

So not a great start to the weekend. My back has been in extreme pain for the past few days. I think I pulled something at some point. (chasing a baby perhaps?) Its gotten out of control with how bad I hurt. I didnt sleep much at all last night. Walking, breathing, or doing much of anything causes such pain it makes me nauseated. (yes it hurts that bad) I sucked it up tonight and took some more potent pain reliever so maybe I can get some much needed rest.

Side effects from my last Yervoy treatment are starting to pop up, as usual. Nothing too terribly bad. Still itching all over, and having some issues with food. Also developing fever blisters. (thats a newer side effect) I have some potent prescription stuff for them, so hoping that will go away. Other than that Im just exhausted. I cant ever seem to get enough sleep.

I finally got an appointment for my next scans! April 15th at 10am-2pm. YAY! Boring day! I have already gotten someone to watch little E, so the day is planned. Now to wait 24 days for our news. Thats all I have for now. Pain meds kicking in, and Im off to bed. Night.

Last Yervoy Infusion

My last Yervoy infusion is DONE!!! WOOHOOO!!!!! It was pretty quiet today in the Chemo room. Apparently a bunch of people were on spring break, so I dont have any fun stories today. In and out type of deal. Eric sat with me while getting this last one done. I think he described the Yervoy VS Chemo debate rather well today " Chemo = carpet bombing your entire system by using the army, Yervoy = sending in the navy seals on a more targeted mission" haha

So now we wait until April 15th for my next set of scans. Then we figure out our next steps. These next 27 days few weeks will be spent trying to keep my mind preoccupied. Im attempting to get Elliots birthday party planned, and all the stuff for that in advance. Just in case of surgery etc. I want to make sure I have everything ready in advance. So for now we wait.

Still have to watch for side effects due to this last infusion. I will still be monitored closely etc for the next few weeks. At any time my symptoms can get worse. Its hard to believe that many people dont make it thru all 4 infusions. So far, Im one of the few lucky ones. Yes, Ive had a few issues, but luckily nothing thats put me into the hospital like other people. So for now we wait....

Family Weekend

This weekend is my nieces birthday. She LOVES puppies. Her awesome momma held a puppy themed party for her today. She had all the kiddos wear puppy ears, and they each got to 'adopt a stuffed dog'. The birthday girls cake was served in a cute dog bowl, along with cupcakes, and bone cookies. It was quite the event.

I also had the pleasure of having dinner with my side of the family this weekend. My dad just got back from a trip to china. He got to finally see Elliot in action crawling everywhere. My nephews quickly realized that elliot will try to follow them around. (they didnt seem too sure of the baby). That said, we have a new addition coming to the family in October! My little sister is pregnant with her 3rd baby! Her 2 boys are going to be in for a surprise...

So far we've had a good weekend. Tiresome, but good. Elliot is going thru a growth spurt so is up every 3 hours to eat. Im still itching like crazy. Best described as feeling as if my skin is burning. Still having headaches on and off, but so far nothing some extra sleep cant fix.

Holy headache batman!

Had a massive headache yesterday and into late last night. Havent felt pain like that in a while. (you know mind numbing pain in my head) Eric and I were worried, but after finally getting to sleep, this morning its much better. Had it continued we likely would be at the doctor this morning. So for now keeping a close eye on everything. Goes without saying we worry about headaches. Seeing as the last mind numbing headache was my brain bleeding due to a tumor.

Still extremely itchy this morning. Red blotches on my arms and legs. Not quite able to call it a full blown rash yet, but its not going away. I want to stay off the meds needed for it as long as possible. Just one more thing to introduce into my system. Constantly having to remind myself "DONT SCRATCH!!!! It just makes it worse!" lol.

I think the tumor on my lung is back to its antics. Worke up with pain in my right lung. If you remember it hurts on and off. Today is an on day. Just another thing to keep our eye on.

My reading is still off. Some days worse than others. Yesterday, for example, if the word started with a 'B' all I saw was 'batman'. Go figure. This brain reading mess works in mysterious ways. But thats a glimpse into how I see things when I attempt to read. My mind says its seeing one word, when I KNOW thats not the word written. Makes for an interesting reading attempt though.

Im signing off for now. Just wanted to give a quick update on how Im doing.

Doctor Day!

Today was doctor day! Shockingly this was the shortest visit yet. They wanted to check on my side effects, and how I was doing with everything. So far, looking good! Powering through my side effects to the last treatment. My last Yervoy treatment is set for next week. Woohoo!!! Now we are woking on getting the ball rolling on the next step in our journey.

On an exciting note- we qualified for a medical assistance fund that helps melanoma patients with Yervoy treatments. (our oncologist office automatically applies for this as Yervoy is pricey at about $45,000 per treatment) We didnt realize this, and went to make a payment to discover that our account was almost paid in full. SHOCK!!! This is great news!!! We didnt even realize that the paperwork had been filed.

Now here is a schedule of our next steps. Unlucky for me, they are making me wait a few weeks between treatment and my next set of scans.

April 15th- PET scan and MRI of brain
April 16th- Appt with docs to read scans, and apt with chest doctor about lung tumor. My oncologist will be present with the chest doc. This is where they will talk about our options and how to proceed. Right now best case? surgery.

We dont really know anything for sure until we get the results of my scans. We could be looking at just surgery, or surgery and chemo, or radiation. Basically we dont know until we see whats been going on these past few weeks. We are crossing our fingers its still just the one lung tumor. The waiting is what I cannot stand.

On a side note- we are on the look out for the signs of a rash. I am red and splotchy and itchy ALL OVER!!! (fun side effect) so far no rash. If rash pops up then more steroids my way. I just keep telling myself "powering thru! 1 week till last treatment."

Spring Forward

Ahh daylight savings time. Spring is here now that we have officially moved our clocks forward by 1 hour. I keep having to remind myself that our schedules have changed. See, Elliot and I have a set daily routine. He goes down for naps almost at the same time daily, its like clock work! So now that the time has changed its screwed with him a bit. :) all takes getting used to.

So nothing really eventful this weekend. Im having some skin issues due to the treatments. Itching all over. Its like a bad rash that just wont go away. Scratch it and its worse! So my goal is trying to ignore it entirely. If it gets worse theyll just put me on more meds. Surely I can manage a few more weeks without that. I have a doc appointment tuesday for an update. Then my last treatment is the next week. Its getting close to my next pet scan and surgery! Time is starting to really fly.

Im having to constantly remind myself to be happy with what I do have, vs with what I dont. Im kind of struggling with that right now. Its stupid things really, and honestly kind of vain. You know, the whole 'my hair isnt how Id like it', or 'the steroids make me gain weight, so my jeans dont fit right', or 'my skins blotchy and red due to crazy itching.' Its all dumb and piddly in the long run. Big picture! - Gaining weight is good at this point! Loosing is bad! Hair will grow back, or long enough to have a professional fix it. Skin will go back to normal. These are all temporary problems. I sholdnt let them have any impact on my life. Its sad that our society is so bent on looking a certian way. We try so hard to fit a mold thats just not ment for all of us. We should in fact focus on simply being healthy, happy, and living each day to its full potential.

Okay my rant for tonight is over. I have a fun post for you guys tomorrow! As for me? Im going to bed.

Status Update

Today was an okay day. Im having some side effects from the last infusion. Nothing new to report on that front. Just the same ole same ole. Its being managed with medications right now, so its tolerable. Im crossing my fingers that it stays that way. I just weaned off of the steroids, and am hoping to stay that way. Sometimes its a toss up of whats worse, side effects of the Yervoy, or side effects of the drugs to help ease the side effects o f Yervoy.

Currently, my next scheduled appointment is next week. This is always up for change depending on how Im feeling, or any new side effects. After that, the next week is my last infusion. Then the real fun begins! Im already getting nervous about the last infusion, and the next set of scans. Ive had 12 weeks to dwell on the next scan, and surgery. Im just ready to get it all over with. Nights are becoming sleepless thinking about it all. So Im trying my best not to dwell on it, and focus my attention on other things.

Elliot said "No" today, along with "Yoga". It had me cracked up. Granted, I couldnt get him to do it again. He just crawled up to a cabinet hes not supposed to be around and goes "NO" then turns to look at me. Quite surprising I might say. Later he was doing the yoga pose 'downward dog'. So I proceeded to ask him "baby, are you doing yoga?" I swear, he looked down and said "Yoga?" Plain as day! Eric even managed to hear it from the other room!! So hes starting to repeat things. Maybe it was a fluke, but it was funny. Now I really have to watch what I say if this trend is going to continue.

Thats all I have for tonight. I will leave you with a picture of my baby trying to eat my camera....

To my Mom

Today is my moms birthday. She is the most amazing woman I know. I aspire to be the mom she was. My story with cancer actually starts with her. I have no doubt I wouldnt be where I was today had she not done what she did.

 I was 15 and she noticed a mole on my back that bothered her. At the time we were at a water park, and she was putting sunscreen on my back. I told her it was nothing, and we went on. Lucky for me, she didnt forget about it. When we got home she set up an appointment with our family doctor. I threw a fit, saying there was no reason to go blah blah (teenage drama). She insisted and off to the doctor we went. The doctor took a look and said it was nothing to worry about. Mom had other ideas. She said it bothered her and demanded he remove said mole. Bless his heart, he did what she asked. Lucky for me he did. A few weeks later my world changed forever. That was when the lab results came back, and I had melanoma. This was in 2000, and my first start at this long journey/ fight. 

The saying is "mother knows best." In my case yes, mom knew best. To this day she is one of my biggest supporters. I havent always appreciated her as much as I should. Today is her day. There is nothing I can say, do, or get her that truly shows how much I love her. 

She had surgery on her foot friday, and is at home recovering today. (all went great). Eric, Elliot and I are bringing her presents and lunch from wherever she wants. Today is about her! So mom....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! 

9 Month Old Baby

Time flies when you're having fun! My little man is now 9 months old (well as of the 28th, Im a bit behind on my post). He seems to be growing more and more every day. Elliot is truly a blessing in our lives. While having a little one at times isnt easy, he can brighten anyones day in an instant with his smile or any of his antics.

This month little man started to crawl! At a time where I was very ill, he became mobile. Now nothing in my house is safe. His little knees are red from all the running around he does. He can go pretty quick. He also learned how to associate the words Ma Ma, and Da da this month. His favorite thing to do is go "MA MA!!!" then promptly crawl as fast as he can in the opposite direction for me to chase him, giggling the entire way. (hes quite the little comedian) He knows exactly where his boundaries are, and what makes me get up and go get him. Its quite amusing....

Here are some of little mans favorites this month:

Rasins!!! not only can he pick them up, but they are squishy!
Spoons...the better to throw liquid food at mom with!
Pears
Puffs- the baby food that melts in your moth. He will chow down on these.
The singing airplane. He loves to find it and make the thing sing while rocking.
Hanging upside down. He will throw himself backwards while we hold him so he can hang.
Shoes- the boy will go straight towards any shoes.
Outside- he will stare out the window all day. He loves to watch the trees, or go outside.

My little man is growing up quickly. All too soon he will be walking, and talking. Im truly blessed in the family department. I have an amazing cool headed, chill baby boy. Not much phases him. He goes to the doctor with me and will sit patiently for 2-3 hours and the entire time is calm and chill. The nurses and doctors love him. They are always surprised at how calm he is.