It takes a team

Today it took a team/ family to get me thru the day. I could not have made it without them. I woke this morning with a 10 on the pain scale. My husband woke me up to give me pain meds. (not that they worked much) The then got the baby up, and fed. I really struggle to describe to you what I can or cant do. My pain rules my day. I cant even put my own pants on.

Today we went and visited the doctor. They think my pain has to do with the sliced nerve endings in my chest. I was given some new pain meds to attempt to solve my pain problem. The doctor said that I dont really have many options left. So I left with one script for a new drug to try. So far it knocked my pain down to a 5. This is improvement! My sister in law was awesome enough to take me to the docs office, and help me with elliot. She also ran an errand for me this morning and got me a few tank tops to wear that didnt aggravate my stitches. She is amazing!

Eric had to go to work this afternoon. So Molly helped with my doctors visit, and my son. Later my mom, aunt and dad came by to help me put Elliot to bed. I cant lift him for 5 more weeks. Mom and Dad got the pleasure of bathing, and putting E in bed. Quite the sight I might add.

Before they left they made sure I was settled, and had taken my next pain pill. Im now curled up under my blanket, sipping my water, and getting sleepy. To get me here took a team of people. Amazing people that I cannot repay in any way. It amazes me to have such an awesome family. Im truly blessed.

Loopy.....

The pain is still present. I have nothing new to report. Im at a consistent 10 on the pain scale. My meds dont touch it. Eric added some benadryl to try to make me loopy enough to sleep. It works for an hour or so, then Im back to hurting, Its a constant stream of pain. Talking hurts, and still cant get very loud at all. I havent been able to eat anything. My appetite is gone due to hurting all the time. Ive never thought I was suck a whimp before. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. 

I have no real strength. A sonic cup was too heavy for me to lift. (Eric has been trying to do anything to get me to eat or drink...including bribing me with my favorite foods) I feel like a human antenna. If I prop my arm up just so on a pillow, prop my other side up on another pillow and move my leg a certian way it just lessens the pain. Still hurts, just seems to not be as sharp. 

So this is what Ive come to.....starting at the clock for when I get a precious few moments of less pain. We will likely call the doc this morning to see about doing something. Maybe they can up my pain meds??

Sunday

Ill admit all my posts start to run together a bit. I blame the pain meds for making my head a bit fuzzy. It seems like thats all they are good for. Im still feeling quite a bit of pain. Seems like the meds only work for 2 hours then Im stuck waiting another 2 before I can take another dose. I feel like all Ive done is complain about being in pain, but really Ive never not had pain meds work before. Im pretty much constantly sitting here unable to get comfortable, and in a fair amount of pain.

I wasnt able to sleep last night. I had to sit up in the recliner, as laying down hurts my side. Its a very deep pain, all the way down to the bone. I cant pick up elliot for 5-6 weeks, and just have to take everything easy. I cant even pick up the shampoo bottle with my right hand, as it pulls on my stitches, and hurts. My voice also isnt back to normal. Im still hoarse, and cannot talk very loud. Food doesnt sound good to me either. I really havent been eating much. I hate to complain, Im just ready to be done with this pain. It just causes my entire body to hurt. Its all so hard to describe.

So heres to hoping tomorrow is better...

Elliot is 11 months old!

The phrase "it takes a village to  raise a child" hits close to home this week. We could not have made it thru this week without help from numerous family members to watch my little man, while Ive been in the hospital. My parents have also been watching him the past couple days so I can get some rest at home. Leave it to my little man to officially start walking the week momma's in the hospital. lol. He's now toddling everywhere! Hes come leaps and bounds in just a few days. Im going to struggle keeping up with him.

Other than walking we really dont have any new news to report this month. Here are a few of little mans favs-

Elliots loves-
Banana pudding
Banana yogurt
Cherrios- he will hold the yellow box while in the cart at the store
Push toys- if it has wheels he will push it all over the house
Monkey/bunny- its a sock monkey that has bunny ears. He cracks up when he sees it.
Ticklish baby! Very ticklish on his neck.
Too bush for diaper changes, now he runs away mid change.
Puppies- he is mesmerized by dogs. Will even help open the baby gate to let the dog in.
Has learned how to open drawers and put stuff in them. Will do this over and over and over...

I cant believe hes gotten so big. Im already planning his birthday party for in a few weeks. CRAZY.

24 hours at home

Let me start off by saying my husband is an awesome 'nurse'.  He got me as comfy as we possibly could last night, and set alarms for my pain management. He woke up multiple times last night to ensure I was getting the medicine I needed in a timely fashion. (he still has the timers set during the day as well). Im still in pain, but he has managed to help keep it as in check as we possibly can. 

My shower felt amazing this morning! First shower they allowed me to have since surgery. It did require help as my range of motion is limited. The shampoo bottle is too heavy for one handed use, but we did pretty good. After a nice warm shower, Eric had to re-dress my surgical site. Im so glad hes not squeamish. It looks really good. I just know that some people wouldnt do well with it. Its a nice clean wound, and the stitches look great. 

I need help getting up and sitting down due to pulling of my stitches. So Ive been taking it slow. Im very sore, and still around a 7-8 on the pain scale. I still cant really talk well. The tube they put down my throat was different than a normal tube they do when they put a person under. This tube actually isolated each lung. Problem with that? It does more damage to your throat when they take it out. So Im still hoarse and cant talk very loud at all. I also cant talk loud as it hurts to try to force sound. (breathing etc) Ive also started coughing a lot more. This is normal, but hurts like hell. (sorry no better way to really put that). 

I dont really have any appetite. I think it has to do with the pain. Before we went to the hospital I started a vegan diet. There is too much info about how cutting meat and dairy benefited cancer patients. So I call it vegan-ish. Its a work in progress. We have been eating much much better on this. AND if it helps keep me healthier in the long run its a perk. In the hospital I was on a vegetarian diet. They had it all wrong though. Seems like you tell the hospital vegetarian, and they just slather everything in dairy and cheese. Ill tell you guys more about the diet situation later. (when Im not groggy on pain meds) 

Overall gist of my condition? Home, in pain but glad to be in familiar territory. Also glad to be out of a hospital gown and in my own clothes. 

Home at last

So as of this morning my chest tube was taken out, new xrays taken, and then I was sent home. I am in huge amounts of pain right now. They gave me pain meds but so far nothing really has touched it. The ride home was admittedly agony.

It took a bit, but we finally heard back on our path reports. They took out my lung tumor that indeed was melanoma. They took it out and had wide clear margins (which is a good thing!) then took 2 more spots out they were concerned with along with a few lymph nodes. All of this is really good news. This is the best that we could have hoped for. No chemo as of right now, just a watch and wait job. We will heal, then get scans redone in 12 weeks. We will continue this trend for a few years then go longer between scans. My next appt is May 21st to check in with my oncologist.

I have who knows how many stitches right now. They will be taken out May 7th. For the next 6 weeks I cant pickup anything heavier than 10 lbs. (yes this means MR Elliot too). So that sucks. I feel better since the chest tube is out, but I still hurt really badly. To be honest 'really badly' doesnt cover it. Silently crying sorta covers it. I hurt soooo bad. So far the meds still arnt helping. So far we've learned that Im immune to morphine. So its just taking us a bit to figure out how to get my pain under control. Im still surprised they sent me on home.

Funny part of my hospital trip? I was in the cardiac ward. AND I was the youngest person in there. Never failed, all the nurses seemed surprised when they saw me. Hey thats what lung cancer gets ya. On a good note? The nurses were spectacular. I did learn that asking for a a no meat diet is the way to go as far as hospital food. Much better food that way.

So thats all I know for now. Im going to attempt to rest. Which I feel will be difficult.

Nights

Seems to be the worst. Finally got some sleep to wake up in agony. They've got me on pain kills now just waiting for them to kick in. I'm ready for this chest tube to be out. It really hurts. There isn't any real comfortable way to lay or sit. Once that's out its approx another day before I can go home. At the rate I'm going I'd bet I'll be here another 2 days. :(

We are still waiting on lab results from the tumors. Once we know what they are we will be able to proceed. The fact they found 'extras' worries us of course. Trying to be patient until we hear something. We will likely hear that news in a few hours.

So the gist is- pain, and waiting. :). Midnight thoughts on pain meds = garbled thoughts.