No Words

I have no words for the news we received today. We went in knowing this appointment would be huge. It would tell us a lot of information we wanted/needed to know. Things that had been weighing on our minds, and answers the doctors had been shy to give. We were finally at the point where they had to tell us some definitive time line.

The scans were not good. Granted with 9+  brain mets we kinda knew. The newest scans showed that I have a lymph node in my abdomen that has cancer in it, a spot in my bone,  a spot on my spine (this is what the radiation Im getting treated for is currently), and the biggie....that the mets in my brain have grown. Some have in fact doubled in size. To sum it up the mets in my brain appeared to have not responded to the whole brain radiation. Granted, its still early after radiation. They typically dont re-scan until 6 weeks after radiation. They are going to rescan me in 3 weeks to get a clearer image. Either way, the outlook is grim.

The outlook as of right now the doctor explained is a few weeks to months. We dont know how much time. It depends on the growth of my brain mets, and how my body reacts.

I have no idea what else to say at this point. Im still processing this information myself. Right now my family is working on making plans for the future (things I want to get done, memories I want to make) intermixed with uncontrollable crying. We are all working on processing this information. We knew this day was here, and would come. I thought I was prepared to hear those words the doctor said today, but I wasn't as ready as I thought. So we are all working on processing it. Today is for processing, tomorrow will be for getting things done.