Ok, Ill admit Ive been pretty cool, calm, and collected about this whole cancer diagnosis. I may have lost it recently. I should be thankful for where I am at. Even the fact that Im here to complain is a huge deal. Typically people with my diagnosis only have a max of 10 months to live. Yet, here I am about to celebrate my birthday. Its amazing really.
Today was one of those days. A day where it all hits, and nothing seems to go right. A day that makes up for all the cool, calm, collected days. Its pathetic really, Im alive and in remission yet complaining about what Ive lost in the process. I still struggle to read even the simplest of things. Night time reading to Elliot is a challenge for me. Sad when "Cat in the Hat" is tough, when at a very young age I was reading above a college reading level. Sad for the fact that I dont recognize myself in the mirror. Sad that my original life plan has forever been altered. Then at the end of it, I get upset that Im upset. I know I should be happy for where I am today. Today, Im in remission and on the mend from a huge surgery. Today, I walked 1.6 miles at a decent pace. It was the first real workout Ive had in a long time. I need to focus on the good and not the bad.
I try to keep this blog about whats going on, the good and the bad. Im trying to be honest with myself and everyone reading. Cancer sucks. Its a long road of battling, and healing. Sometimes the physical scars are not the only scars we bear. Sometimes the emotional ones are just as deep. 99% of the time Im in a good place. For some reason this morning was just one of the rough mornings.
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