Back on Hospice

Today we got to meet my hospice nurse again. It was bitter sweet. We like our hospice nurse but nobody really wants to have to know one. If you do have to know one, ours is the one to get. She is very understanding about the situation and works really hard to get my pain in check.

For those out there who are curious as to the whole process of getting on hospice care its pretty simple. Your doctor decides there is nothing else he can do and makes a phone call to a hospice care facility. They usually call you the same day and set up a same day meeting to get you admitted. A nurse comes and explains that "this is hospice, we don't cure you, we make you comfortable". There is nothing quite like signing a do not resuscitate order in front of your mother and husband. Of course, I am lucky enough that this is my second time signing one. Most people only get to sign one. The first one I signed was ceremoniously destroyed by Eric and I when my tumors began to shrink. I hope we get the same opportunity to do it again.

We talked at length today with my nurse about what is happening. My headaches are worse, my arms are going numb for long periods of time more often and sometimes just can't speak at all. Slurring my words or just not being able to find words. It is very frustrating. There are times when I can forget about the cancer like last night. Eric's parents and brother came over as well as my mom to enjoy some dinner. I was amazed at how well I felt. For about an hour I almost felt normal. When they left I went to bed and my arms immediately went numb which brought me right back to reality.

Our hospice nurse thinks that I am having some form of seizures and that is causing my speech difficulty. She also said that the problems will only get worse. The disease in my brain is going to progress and nothing can really stop it. To say that I am scarred would be the understatement of the year. We have fought this thing for 2 years now and I feel like it may have the upper hand now.

It has become very difficult to continue typing on this blog because of my reading and speech problems. For the past few posts Eric has had to transcribe and help me decide what it is I am trying to say. My thoughts are not always clear enough to get my point across. We decided that I will continue to have him transcribe my posts until it becomes to much. Eric will then take over the blog to keep everyone up to date on what is going on.

For now, that is all I have. I don't mean to end the post on a downer but sometimes, when you are talking about something like this, its the only way you can end it.