Today is my birthday. I had a lovely morning and lunch with my two favorite people (my boys). I then spent the afternoon with my mom, and now am winding down for the evening. As a stage 4 cancer patient I keep being told that this is a huge event. I guess Ive been oblivious to its significance until today. As my husband enlightened me. I really do try not to dwell on the bad stuff. But its hard not to think about it when family brings it up.
I keep being asked what I want for my birthday. What gift? There comes a point in your life that you really just dont want or need anything. Its just stuff. Id much rather do something fun with my family than collect more stuff. Then again when a major life altering event occurs, it changes a persons perspective. So here I am, and all I can think about it spending time tomorrow with my kid at the park. Thats all I truly want, a nice afternoon with my baby and hubby, and maybe a visit to my favorite food truck. :)
June 20, 2013
June 18, 2013
Lots of Questions
Today was my 6 week follow up from my lung surgery. I went in knowing that I was getting a chest x-ray, and a talk with the doctor. My mom took me in so Eric could go to work. So off I went to chest x-ray. While they were reading the scans I thought they looked a bit off. They took us back to an exam room, where suddenly my oncologist appears. He asks me to step outside and look at my chest x-ray with him. (this is odd)... come to find out the x-ray did indeed look odd. There were markers there that were not on my last chest x-ray. He proceeded to explain that the chest surgeon thought my xray also looked odd, and that we needed an immediate CT scan. My doctor explained that it could be cancer, inflammation, or an infection causing the odd x-ray, but that the ct would help discover the issue. At this time he also advises me to call my husband and get him up here ASAP.
So I called and freaked my husband out. This is his worst nightmare. I get rushed off to the lab for blood work, and a CT. After the scan we get put into another exam room to wait. At this time we are worried. I had not thought that it would happen this quickly, my next Pet scan is 3 weeks away. I had time to worry etc.
The doctor finally came into the room. He explained that the CT looked okay, as the radiologist said it appeared to look like normal post op healing with some inflammation. Nothing to worry about. My first question was "well if its normal why didnt the chest surgeon see that on the X-ray?" The room went silent. It seemed as if we had stumped the doc. I think its a valid question myself. He never responded to it. Basically we got the run around that there are more spots in my right lung, but no official reason as to why. Ive had 2 other post op xrays, and those didnt have any red flags. Why this one? So now we have the hurry up and wait response. Wait a few more weeks until a pet scan. Meanwhile, my doc said I should rest easy tonight. I told him "nope, now I get to worry. Nothing here is conclusive." Its the truth, we got no answers today. All we got was unnecessary worry. I never even got to see the chest surgeon!!! He never came into my room, or even got to talking to me about how Im doing post op.
I feel as if the medical staff abandoned me, simply because they didnt have an answer. They would rather me wait until next month for a pet scan than conclude as to anything right now. Its very early for the tumors to be growing back if that is indeed the case. The whole situation is odd. So instead of good news we got EHHH news. Back to hurrying up to wait. We have so many questions now.
We did get told that they had a meeting tonight with the chest clinic and all the oncologists in the practice. They would be reviewing my case again, and looking at todays scans. I dont see how this is going to help. Maybe someone will notice something different. Maybe someone will have an opinion. Im not holding my breath on a phone call. I just have to wait until next month for my scans. Then we can move forward again.
So I called and freaked my husband out. This is his worst nightmare. I get rushed off to the lab for blood work, and a CT. After the scan we get put into another exam room to wait. At this time we are worried. I had not thought that it would happen this quickly, my next Pet scan is 3 weeks away. I had time to worry etc.
The doctor finally came into the room. He explained that the CT looked okay, as the radiologist said it appeared to look like normal post op healing with some inflammation. Nothing to worry about. My first question was "well if its normal why didnt the chest surgeon see that on the X-ray?" The room went silent. It seemed as if we had stumped the doc. I think its a valid question myself. He never responded to it. Basically we got the run around that there are more spots in my right lung, but no official reason as to why. Ive had 2 other post op xrays, and those didnt have any red flags. Why this one? So now we have the hurry up and wait response. Wait a few more weeks until a pet scan. Meanwhile, my doc said I should rest easy tonight. I told him "nope, now I get to worry. Nothing here is conclusive." Its the truth, we got no answers today. All we got was unnecessary worry. I never even got to see the chest surgeon!!! He never came into my room, or even got to talking to me about how Im doing post op.
I feel as if the medical staff abandoned me, simply because they didnt have an answer. They would rather me wait until next month for a pet scan than conclude as to anything right now. Its very early for the tumors to be growing back if that is indeed the case. The whole situation is odd. So instead of good news we got EHHH news. Back to hurrying up to wait. We have so many questions now.
We did get told that they had a meeting tonight with the chest clinic and all the oncologists in the practice. They would be reviewing my case again, and looking at todays scans. I dont see how this is going to help. Maybe someone will notice something different. Maybe someone will have an opinion. Im not holding my breath on a phone call. I just have to wait until next month for my scans. Then we can move forward again.
June 17, 2013
Only my child...
Ive been known to be chatty. About 5am I hear the baby monitor go off, and all I hear is "Da da, ma ma, blah blah, gah gah, da da" over and over and over. He chatted to himself for approx an hour and a half. Finally, when I couldnt take anymore, and realized hes not going back to sleep, I got get him. He proceeds to keep chatting. There is no stopping boy wonder. He jabbered my ears off. All I wanted was to sleep in a bit, but nooooooo. I know, this is payback for me waking my parents up to play at 2 am when I was a kid.
Once up, he proceeded to throw all of this breakfast in the floor, breakdown 2 baby gates, and run me ragged.
When is nap time????
June 12, 2013
Splash Pad
Today we spent time playing with Elliot's splash pad. Its the first time we've had it out since he got it for his birthday. He wasnt too sure about it at first, but ended up loving it. The only down side, is cold hose water plus a slight breeze made it a slight bit chilly for him. So what felt like 30 minutes of getting a baby ready to go outside equaled about 10 minutes of fun, before going back inside. (yes we wore 50 spf baby sunscreen)
All in all little man had a blast playing today. I think we are going to have to get a baby pool for the house now. He really wanst ready to come in side, even though he was shivering.
All in all little man had a blast playing today. I think we are going to have to get a baby pool for the house now. He really wanst ready to come in side, even though he was shivering.
June 11, 2013
Elliot's 1 year checkup!
Elliot saw the pediatrician this week. He is a whopping 23 lbs, and quite healthy. I think we are our doctors favorite patients. When asked what Elliot eats he was shocked when we told him that elliot prefers veggies and fruits. He eats no meat, and hates sweets. (weird kid) :) So he got his 1 year shots, and a clean bill of health. I think my favorite part was the nurse trying to bribe Elliot after shots. She asked to give him a sucker (uhhh hes 1 lady. no sucker) then asked if he wanted a sticker (once more...he has NO CLUE what a sticker is) .... so she settled on giving us a coupon for a free TCBY ice cream. :) THAT is something this kiddo will enjoy. He loves ice cream.
So the past 24 hours have resulted in a cranky boy. Hes running a slight fever after shots, but thats normal for him. Hes doing good though. Tonight he was quite comical during dinner. I have proof....
So the past 24 hours have resulted in a cranky boy. Hes running a slight fever after shots, but thats normal for him. Hes doing good though. Tonight he was quite comical during dinner. I have proof....
Rough Days
Ok, Ill admit Ive been pretty cool, calm, and collected about this whole cancer diagnosis. I may have lost it recently. I should be thankful for where I am at. Even the fact that Im here to complain is a huge deal. Typically people with my diagnosis only have a max of 10 months to live. Yet, here I am about to celebrate my birthday. Its amazing really.
Today was one of those days. A day where it all hits, and nothing seems to go right. A day that makes up for all the cool, calm, collected days. Its pathetic really, Im alive and in remission yet complaining about what Ive lost in the process. I still struggle to read even the simplest of things. Night time reading to Elliot is a challenge for me. Sad when "Cat in the Hat" is tough, when at a very young age I was reading above a college reading level. Sad for the fact that I dont recognize myself in the mirror. Sad that my original life plan has forever been altered. Then at the end of it, I get upset that Im upset. I know I should be happy for where I am today. Today, Im in remission and on the mend from a huge surgery. Today, I walked 1.6 miles at a decent pace. It was the first real workout Ive had in a long time. I need to focus on the good and not the bad.
I try to keep this blog about whats going on, the good and the bad. Im trying to be honest with myself and everyone reading. Cancer sucks. Its a long road of battling, and healing. Sometimes the physical scars are not the only scars we bear. Sometimes the emotional ones are just as deep. 99% of the time Im in a good place. For some reason this morning was just one of the rough mornings.
Today was one of those days. A day where it all hits, and nothing seems to go right. A day that makes up for all the cool, calm, collected days. Its pathetic really, Im alive and in remission yet complaining about what Ive lost in the process. I still struggle to read even the simplest of things. Night time reading to Elliot is a challenge for me. Sad when "Cat in the Hat" is tough, when at a very young age I was reading above a college reading level. Sad for the fact that I dont recognize myself in the mirror. Sad that my original life plan has forever been altered. Then at the end of it, I get upset that Im upset. I know I should be happy for where I am today. Today, Im in remission and on the mend from a huge surgery. Today, I walked 1.6 miles at a decent pace. It was the first real workout Ive had in a long time. I need to focus on the good and not the bad.
I try to keep this blog about whats going on, the good and the bad. Im trying to be honest with myself and everyone reading. Cancer sucks. Its a long road of battling, and healing. Sometimes the physical scars are not the only scars we bear. Sometimes the emotional ones are just as deep. 99% of the time Im in a good place. For some reason this morning was just one of the rough mornings.
June 5, 2013
Baby Chasing!
Today we had a mini photo shoot for Elliot! Now, the big challenge is getting a toddler to sit still long enough to take a picture to two. OH MY! Our photographer, Jennifer from Piece of Hart, is amazing. She is very patient, and worked well with my little man. When I couldnt get him to do what we wanted, she was able to get him to somehow re-focus.
We realized that Elliot hates cake. We tried to do a cake smash with him (kid smashes cake, and we take fun pictures) but he was not going to eat the cake. He did this at his birthday party too. I guess I just have an odd kid. I did discover, after the fact, that he LOVES cookies. I guess I shouldve done a cookie cake. This kid went crazy with bites of cookie. I swear he was coming up to me going "mama mmm" (I think he was trying to say 'more'.)
After an eventful morning Eric and I are exhausted from chasing a baby. I managed to pinch a nerve in my back in the process. I might add that my awesome sister in law (Molly) helped wrangle little man as well. Without her it wouldve been a whole lot more challenging. 3 adults later...1 smashed cake...and one sleepy little boy. He had to have a bath to get all the cake icing off of him. Now, he's asleep in bed pooped. Soon I will have pictures to share with everyone.
We realized that Elliot hates cake. We tried to do a cake smash with him (kid smashes cake, and we take fun pictures) but he was not going to eat the cake. He did this at his birthday party too. I guess I just have an odd kid. I did discover, after the fact, that he LOVES cookies. I guess I shouldve done a cookie cake. This kid went crazy with bites of cookie. I swear he was coming up to me going "mama mmm" (I think he was trying to say 'more'.)
After an eventful morning Eric and I are exhausted from chasing a baby. I managed to pinch a nerve in my back in the process. I might add that my awesome sister in law (Molly) helped wrangle little man as well. Without her it wouldve been a whole lot more challenging. 3 adults later...1 smashed cake...and one sleepy little boy. He had to have a bath to get all the cake icing off of him. Now, he's asleep in bed pooped. Soon I will have pictures to share with everyone.
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