November 25th

Its been 15 days since Cassandra's death. People have been asking me what I will do with the blog now that she is gone. This will be the final entry. I thought for a while about what I could do to keep it going but this was Cassandra's blog and she wanted it to be a place where other cancer patients could go so they could see they weren't alone. She wanted to make people laugh, inform and even though it wasn't her goal, she inspired a lot of people.

Elliot and I are doing well. We are spending a lot of time with family. Elliot is never one to want to sit still long so always doing something is good with him. As per orders from Cassandra, we put up our Christmas decorations with lots of family. Everyone had a good time. Elliot enjoyed putting ornaments on the tree.

Its hard to rap up this entire blog with a single paragraph. It doesn't seem like a fitting end. Just like Cassandra's life I feel like it was cut way to short. There were so many things she wanted to do but she did manage to check off her biggest request in her life. She wanted to be a stay at home mom and raise her family. It may seem like a simple way of life but its what she wanted. I am sure that is a testament to what she thought of her own mother and how she wanted to be just like her.

Altogether, Cassandra and I were married for 3 years 3 months and 5 days. We dated for a little over a year before that. For over 4 years we never spent a day apart. While we were married the only nights we were apart were nights in the hospital or hospice home. Cassandra and I also worked at some of the same places. We car pooled together, ate lunch together, and drove home together. I don't know the proper analogy to put it in perspective of lose but Cassandra and I nearly spent 24 hours a day together.

The only words I can choose to describe her death is that I am crushed. I think it makes it worse that we all thought she was getting better. I know I am not the only one of her family still feeling the lose. I think we are all still struggling with her being gone. I know that at times I feel like I can round the corner into the bedroom and she will be there planning a birthday for Elliot that isn't even remotely close yet. But for right now, we are all still in mourning and will be for sometime. I know that time will heal all wounds but its going to be a while.

As previously mentioned, I have an awesome family and my awesome sister got some pictures of Elliot done with his cousins. Cassandra would have liked it to end the blog with a very cute picture of Elliot.