Status Update

Today was an okay day. Im having some side effects from the last infusion. Nothing new to report on that front. Just the same ole same ole. Its being managed with medications right now, so its tolerable. Im crossing my fingers that it stays that way. I just weaned off of the steroids, and am hoping to stay that way. Sometimes its a toss up of whats worse, side effects of the Yervoy, or side effects of the drugs to help ease the side effects o f Yervoy.

Currently, my next scheduled appointment is next week. This is always up for change depending on how Im feeling, or any new side effects. After that, the next week is my last infusion. Then the real fun begins! Im already getting nervous about the last infusion, and the next set of scans. Ive had 12 weeks to dwell on the next scan, and surgery. Im just ready to get it all over with. Nights are becoming sleepless thinking about it all. So Im trying my best not to dwell on it, and focus my attention on other things.

Elliot said "No" today, along with "Yoga". It had me cracked up. Granted, I couldnt get him to do it again. He just crawled up to a cabinet hes not supposed to be around and goes "NO" then turns to look at me. Quite surprising I might say. Later he was doing the yoga pose 'downward dog'. So I proceeded to ask him "baby, are you doing yoga?" I swear, he looked down and said "Yoga?" Plain as day! Eric even managed to hear it from the other room!! So hes starting to repeat things. Maybe it was a fluke, but it was funny. Now I really have to watch what I say if this trend is going to continue.

Thats all I have for tonight. I will leave you with a picture of my baby trying to eat my camera....

To my Mom

Today is my moms birthday. She is the most amazing woman I know. I aspire to be the mom she was. My story with cancer actually starts with her. I have no doubt I wouldnt be where I was today had she not done what she did.

 I was 15 and she noticed a mole on my back that bothered her. At the time we were at a water park, and she was putting sunscreen on my back. I told her it was nothing, and we went on. Lucky for me, she didnt forget about it. When we got home she set up an appointment with our family doctor. I threw a fit, saying there was no reason to go blah blah (teenage drama). She insisted and off to the doctor we went. The doctor took a look and said it was nothing to worry about. Mom had other ideas. She said it bothered her and demanded he remove said mole. Bless his heart, he did what she asked. Lucky for me he did. A few weeks later my world changed forever. That was when the lab results came back, and I had melanoma. This was in 2000, and my first start at this long journey/ fight. 

The saying is "mother knows best." In my case yes, mom knew best. To this day she is one of my biggest supporters. I havent always appreciated her as much as I should. Today is her day. There is nothing I can say, do, or get her that truly shows how much I love her. 

She had surgery on her foot friday, and is at home recovering today. (all went great). Eric, Elliot and I are bringing her presents and lunch from wherever she wants. Today is about her! So mom....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! 

9 Month Old Baby

Time flies when you're having fun! My little man is now 9 months old (well as of the 28th, Im a bit behind on my post). He seems to be growing more and more every day. Elliot is truly a blessing in our lives. While having a little one at times isnt easy, he can brighten anyones day in an instant with his smile or any of his antics.

This month little man started to crawl! At a time where I was very ill, he became mobile. Now nothing in my house is safe. His little knees are red from all the running around he does. He can go pretty quick. He also learned how to associate the words Ma Ma, and Da da this month. His favorite thing to do is go "MA MA!!!" then promptly crawl as fast as he can in the opposite direction for me to chase him, giggling the entire way. (hes quite the little comedian) He knows exactly where his boundaries are, and what makes me get up and go get him. Its quite amusing....

Here are some of little mans favorites this month:

Rasins!!! not only can he pick them up, but they are squishy!
Spoons...the better to throw liquid food at mom with!
Pears
Puffs- the baby food that melts in your moth. He will chow down on these.
The singing airplane. He loves to find it and make the thing sing while rocking.
Hanging upside down. He will throw himself backwards while we hold him so he can hang.
Shoes- the boy will go straight towards any shoes.
Outside- he will stare out the window all day. He loves to watch the trees, or go outside.

My little man is growing up quickly. All too soon he will be walking, and talking. Im truly blessed in the family department. I have an amazing cool headed, chill baby boy. Not much phases him. He goes to the doctor with me and will sit patiently for 2-3 hours and the entire time is calm and chill. The nurses and doctors love him. They are always surprised at how calm he is.

Infusion #3 done!

I managed to get them to give me infusion #3 of the Yervoy today. (very exciting stuff). They did the typical blood tests then sent me on to the chemo room. When I arrived at the chemo room it was packed! Apparently they were very behind today. There wasnt a free seat anywhere. I waited 45 minutes before they could find a spot for me. I then got hooked up without any problems. I was in a chair I swear was meant for a 7ft tall person. The nurse had to bring a foot stool over as my feet were hanging, no way I could reach the ground. It was the most uncomfortable chair ever. But hey, Im not going to complain. It didnt take me too long to realize that I had forgotten my headphones. So no movies for me. I ended up playing solitaire and looking at pinterest the entire time.

I got home and I was sleepy and hungry. I had brought a few snacks with me, but missed lunch. Next time Ill remember to pack more food. Normally it doesnt take as long as it did today. I would have been fine, but missing lunch killed me. I was sleepy due to the benadryl they hook you up to, and not sleeping the night before. Had illness issues. Not sure if Yervoy related, or not but didnt get any sleep. So tonight I plan on going to bed early!

So far no new side effects. Im managing the ones I do have. (Im beginning to have a mini pharmacy in my house". Hopefully we can get thru the next 3 weeks with nothing new. We just have to make it to the last infusion, then a new pet scan! I will make it to the 4th infusion. They sat many dont make all 4, but I have high hopes.

Its the weekend!

The weekend is finally here! Not that it matters much to me. Ive spent all week in bed trying to get better. Our goal is to get well enough that they will allow me to get my Yervoy infusion on wednesday. Ive remained drugged up all week hoping and praying this stuff helps. Im still not close to feeling normal. Too much talking, or movement causes me to go into a coughing fit, and I still wheeze a bit when breathing. I have 4 days to get to feeling better. Lets hope that happens.

Due to me being ill, we dont really have any plans this weekend. We are staying in. I do have dinner with my mom tonight. My little sister is going to bring her hair supplies and hopefully give me a haircut. Not that I have much to cut. Its growing back slowly. I still have a giant bald spot on the side of my head from radiation. Im beginning to think its not going to grow back. (that was a possible side effect) Not to be vain or anything, but Im thinking about getting extensions in my hair. It would cover the bald spot up, and give me some length. Ill take anything to have a real hairstlye these days. The only issue with extensions is that if I end up having chemo Ill loose what I have left of my hair, and then the money spent on extensions is wasted. So Im trying to hold off until we get my scans in a few weeks, and know for sure if I have to have chemo or if we dodged that bullet. On the other hand, Im not even sure if I qualify yet for extensions. I think my hair is still too short.

I know its silly to talk about hair, when all the serious medical stuff is going on. Im just ready to somewhat look like myself again. Between the weight gain due to the steroids, and other medication Im on, and the lack of hair, Im not recognizing the person in the mirror. Thats why Ive decided to try to do something about it. Or at least look into doing something about it.  :)

So we have a play pen for the baby. It allows him to crawl around and play, yet keep him in a baby safe zone. He discovered that one of the panels is broken, and he can escape! Guess Im going to have to fix it. Really puts a kink in things when your kid is able to get out of baby jail.

Night 1 on the good meds

I almost forgot how it is to sleep a few hours in a row. I managed to get a few consecutive hours of sleep last night. I was still up multiple times. Seems like while this stuff makes my cough go away, it doesnt necessarily mean sleep. Just means Im loopy, and not coughing. The stuff makes me out of it enough that I cant take it and be alone with Elliot. I just dont trust it. It has the potential to knock me out, and with a crawling baby on my hands its just not wise.

Im still feeling like total crap today. Woke up and cant really speak above a whisper. This means that by the end of the day my voice will be completely gone. I also notice the wheezing when I do breath more. The doctor mentioned it yesterday, now its more noticeable to me this morning. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in today and help. Scary to hear wheezing noises when you breath, but hey Im not coughing nearly as much! Not sure if thats better or worse. Better for me as in it doesnt hurt, but is it truly better?

Its almost comical again to see me take my daily meds. I have a mini drug store to take every morning. I swear its getting hard to remember which pill does what. Add in the 4 new medications they gave me yesterday and its like heres a bucket of pills. Good luck. I guess they never said having cancer is fun.

Eric half jokingly said hes going to buy me a box of surgical masks for when I go out in public. He doesnt want me to get sick again. Its just too hard on my body, as my system is shot. I told him that if it came down to my need/want to get out of the house vs wearing a mask, Id just stay home. After having to wear one at the doctors office Ill pass. They are hot and a pain to breathe in. House arrest for me then. Me and my lack of immune system will just stay home. Maybe I should make Eric bathe in antibacterial stuff when he gets home daily from work. Wonder if that helps? Maybe, I could get one of those hazmat shower things for him....ahhh I think Im going back to bed.

Heavy duty cough meds...

I always know that going to my oncologist is an all day event. Even when they say it should be just a quick appt, buckle up, because its going to be a while. They did lab work, and a chest x-ray quickly after we arrived. Then we proceeded to wait an hour before even being called back to see the doctor! (crazy to wait that long) With my lovely hacking cough, I had the pleasure of wearing a mask for the entire visit. I didnt want to chance getting someone sick. Let me tell ya, those masks get HOT. I was so ready to loose it, but meanwhile, Ill be responsible.

The good news is my labs look good, and my chest x ray still looks the same. (tumor and all) They were checking for fluid etc, since Ive been sick. The doctor heard wheezing sounds in my lungs so hes treating me for that. So hers what I get: antibiotics, heavy duty cough meds, steroids, and some other med that Im not exactly sure what it does. The doctor said my immune system isnt working right, due to the Yervoy. So Im sick with a cold or whatever, and my body was already struggling with the side effects from my last Yervoy infusion. So Im currently buckets of fun. To be honest this cough syrup has me super loopy right now. (probably not the best idea to type an update while on this med, but oh well). This is the first time in DAYS that Ive not been hacking up a lung. Im feeling pretty awesome right now. Soon Ill crask and sleep.

So the doctor told us if Im not feeling better next week they will postpone my Yervoy infusion. He wants my system to feel back to normal before we proceed. Im crossing my fingers that I get this illness under control so that we dont have to postpone. We really need to keep this on schedule for it to be the most effective. So lots of rest for me for the next 7 days. Eric asked the doctor about our plan for after the yervoy. As of right now its staying the same. Im interested to see the next PET scan and see if the tumor has grown, or anything new has come up. A lot will be decided in just 4 weeks. Now that we are getting close to the end of the Yervoy Im starting to get nervous. So many things will be decided Im anxious for it to get here so we have our plan in play. With that Im calling it a night. This cough stuff /meds is no joke.